i am well aware of the frustration i cause with that answer. nearly every question i am asked gets that simple response. the problem is there is not enough information – i would first have to assume that the person asking is aware and communicating all relevant information, and second – i would have to assume that they are interpreting my answer as i intend. all those assumptions are radically optimistic in the very best circumstance. training is about communication, about relationships… we are so used to being sold simple answers – 10 step plans – not because they work but because they are palatable – they are easy to swallow and easy to sell. but the truth is that no plan survives implementation. better yet – no successful plan survives implementation. any fool can set their mind and close their eyes to new information. ruts and pigheaddedness are not new, and while i can appreciate the poetry of leveraging individual will against the tyranny of circumstance – there comes a time where one must decide between being right and being righteous.

it is easy to market a plan; 8 simple steps to… whatever. creating solutions to the problems that we best understand, following best case scenarios to a solution we are selling. circumstances change. actions have consequences. progress is messy, and rarely linear. our response to that fact is to not sell a plan or a package, but a skillset. sure we have a plan, multiple in fact – but we are not so arrogant as to assume that we have thought of everything. our plan is to adapt. to learn and respond. to achieve our goal.

because that is the rub – as well as the first step. being honest, not only with the end result but with the means – with the costs you are willing to pay. how do you define success? do you want the outcome or the credit? is it still a victory if no one knows your name? how much praise is enough? when you realize that there are more conditions to what you consider “victory” then you will be better able to plan. to get used to the idea of accepting less or to increase your willingness to pay. either way – to approach the goal honestly. we must always be considerate about action and consequence. about correlation and causation. to walk the line, to work diligently to separate the two right up to the moment that it doesn’t matter.

time marches on, relentless; and you can’t be neutral on a moving train. plan, weigh options, act. it is as simple as you allow it to be. time – energy – emotion – everything costs something. be ruthless, be flexible – our real strength lies in our adaptability. incremental change. the ability to use the tools that suit our needs, to adjust, to learn, to pursue our goals. to respond.

remember your goal – it is your counterweight. it will point the way, separate the the useful from the useless. protect what is important, eliminate what is unnecessary. there is no good news, there is no bad news – there are facts, there are feelings. control what you can, work around what you can not. waste nothing.

be honest. be deliberate. and take responsibility.

the rest is easy.

-the station.

not to put too fine a point on it, but when someone tries to sell me a prepackaged solution i assume that either they think i am too stupid to understand the finer points of change – in which case i do not trust them. or worse yet, they actually think that writing a plan down is the same as understanding how to solve a complicated problem…

change is the goal. understanding the difference between causation and correlation allows for greater flexibility – but is not always necessary for implementation. when my house is clean – my diet is better. i harbor no illusions that a messy house somehow interferes with my ability to eat well – but i do understand that a messy house is a sign i am heading towards difficult territory – it is an opportunity to do better.

analyze. interpret. adjust. cycle focus between your goal and the next step. separate those things that you can change, that you cant change, and that you have decided not to change. know the differences, and how to handle them. know the cost – of action and inaction. spend wisely. blame no one.

it is a common enough question: why do you train like this? why do you do that to yourself? the athletes we have answer these questions quickly and easily – they have their sport, their motivation, their tangible “why” – they do this to win. but what about the rest of us? the new mom? the stressed out lawyer? the veterinary assistant? the gym rat? many of us are “fit enough” to get by, so why? why to we seek out this obvious discomfort?

supposedly, Einstein suggested that we strive to “make things as simple as possible and no simpler”

well. here goes.

simply put – the answer is training. training behavior. habit. that old story about the two wolves – about learning how to feed the right one.  absent stress, in what we at the gym refer to as “sober moments” we – as humans – are pretty capable. we have the ability to think through our problems – we know what we need, we know what must be done and how to do it (and what we don’t know we can find online). ninety percent of the time our problem is not information but implementation. stress makes us stupid. it makes us shortsighted. under stress we will most often revert to old habits, to whatever is easiest at the moment, regardless of the consequences. our higher functions seem to shut off – we forget promises, we forget what happens next and what happens after what happens next. we convince ourselves that “this time its different” that a little indiscretion isn’t such a bad thing. we justify bad behavior, we reinforce a narrative that will keep us firmly entrenched exactly where we are. if we accept that stress is what derails our better angels, then the simple answer is to avoid stress – and while that strategy may move us in the right direction, it is incomplete –  it leaves us too vulnerable to circumstance.  in this world we have very little control over what happens to us, but we have absolute control over what we do in return. new experiences are stressful. consequences are stressful. i would argue that stress is unavoidable – and the worse someone is at dealing with it the more damage it is apt to cause. if the previous assertions are believed, then the one avenue left is to get better at dealing with stress – to change our relationship with it. the things we do – the reps and sets, the weights and meters and rest structures – are simply ways to apply deliberate stress. appropriate stress. just enough stress to become inoculated to it.

let me explain.

we are training ourselves how to argue. how to convince. how to debate and threaten and cajole. the term getting thrown around a lot now is “grit” – the ability to stick with something. the ability to get uncomfortable, to stay that way. to see things through. what people often call grit is that line, the breaking point between what we are now and what we can be. our goal is to win. to make a habit of wining. our goal is right action. deliberate behavior. control. to exert our will on our surroundings. to build our immunity to stress – moment by moment, piece by piece. like patience, like confidence, we build this new armor in layers. in degrees. tiny victories. the gym is simply a controlled environment, a place where we can fine-tune that stress – set the stage, stack the deck – we can walk right up to the edge and hold it there – watch ourselves unravel, just a bit, just enough to learn something new. the gym, after all, is and will always be artificial – but its impact can be very real. it is a tool, a lens through which to view the mechanics of our failure. to find the problem. to fix the problem.  so turn down the pressure and practice your form, respond instead of simply reacting. build your habits, own the behavior. challenge yourself – learn to savor the aches and the fear, the sweaty palms and slightly panicked breathing – get comfortable with the voice that is constantly telling you to quit, to ease back, to stay stagnant – it will always be there – you just have to learn to whisper back – to smile or just bare your teeth – to cope. because it is that inability to cope that causes most of us to defeat ourselves before an opponent even enters the equation. that inability to cope is what keeps us stagnant. it is what keeps us in self destructive habits. it is also why we try and de-mistify “suffering” – why we push ourselves, why we bathe in discomfort and try and convince ourselves that we don’t mind. it is about control. about making better decisions. about learning to argue against the voice that deals us the most damage. about learning to tell ourselves a different story.

simple.

not easy.

a minute, under the proper stress, can make for a very long “discussion”

be deliberate, know which voice you are listening to, and why…

edges are, by nature, stressful. the largest part of feeling comfortable is realizing how uncomfortable you can be and still survive.

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
– Marcus Aurelius

how about this – a challenge is not an opportunity in disguise. a challenge is simply the vehicle for progress. the road and the map. the means. nothing more. nothing less.

we make our obstacles profoundly personal, and through that distort our perception and waste precious energy. we stress and we panic and weaken our chances of success. we set ourselves up for failure as a matter of habit.

change that habit.

arguably, the only thing we have true control of is our thoughts. we must re-frame our perceptions. this is difficult. this will take training. this will be worth it. “this sucks” is actually two thoughts – an observation and a judgement – “this” – whatever it is – is happening, and on top of that: i don’t like it. the judgement is automatic and, while i will concede that it is relevant to a point,  it does not change the facts of what is happening. the obstacle is not altered by our feelings. the obstacle when properly observed is simply a list of interconnected tasks that must be achieved.  cleverness, talent, and style may allow an individual to skip certain steps, or take them in a different order, but once competencies are assessed a plan must be enacted. our feelings do not change the task. at a certain point no question or plea will change what must be done and will only serve to sap time and energy that could be better spent on engaging the problem. this is the moment to re-frame  – to ask “would the answer to this question change the problem?” if the task is unchangeable than chances are your questioning is simply feeding your own panic and wasting time. the best tacticians pause long enough to not react emotionally, but do not wait so long as to miss opportunities. and opportunities are the point. we are defined by our struggles. created by them. needs can only be assessed in relation to a goal. the obstacle – when viewed correctly – will tell you precisely what it needs you to be.

this is where the training comes in. to teach ourselves to minimize the panicked, emotional reaction – to feel it and dismiss it as soon as it ceases to be useful. we train ourselves to absorb the cold facts of the situation, to honestly assess our abilities and to execute with precision and audacity that which must be done. to constantly face relatively simple problems, to hone our skills in viewing the source of our immediate discomfort as  containing the means to overcome it. to see a goal, and work towards it – unapologetically. if something is actually “in the way” then it must be dealt with.  it is important to be clear with the final objective and the frame in which we can act – with the “length of our leash” so to speak, and the consequences for indiscretion – and then to let everything that does not matter truly slide.   accidents and mistakes will happen. failures will happen. without the emotional content all that is happening is a re-framing of the problem.  a better view of the map, new skills, and a new timeline – the obstacle stays the same. it is why we look at the gym as a mental engagement with physical side effects. we orchestrate stressors to illicit specific changes. obstacles within obstacles – each given their rightful attention at the right time. our physical capabilities are tools in the box – as we stretch and stress our ability to flex and endure, our bodies change to reflect – expanding our toolkit and allowing us to move over and through and on to new obstacles.  for us the goal is change. it is improvement. refinement. we have become so comfortable in our daily lives that we are rotting. so we search – we approach obstacles, we pick a fight. we look to things that are bigger and harder and crash upon them in order to become harder ourselves. we seek the stress – find pleasure in the discomfort and inconvenience knowing that it is our choice. our game. knowing that this temporary enemy is our greatest teacher. our truest friend. we feel this way because it is the most useful way to feel.  if we cannot (or unwilling) to change the goal – if the obstacle is truly static and immovable – then it makes sense to enjoy the struggle. to approach the obstacle as a student, eager to learn.

in short – “the problem contains the fucking solution” we just need to get out of our own way long enough to see it. examine the obstacle – not to bemoan or inflate its perceived difficulty, but instead to accurately understand what must be done – and what you can get away with. what skills are needed, what constraints you are facing, and how you plan to spend your limited resources.  often times the greatest difficulty lies not in the “doing” but in the assessment of what must be done. embrace the obstacle. the challenge. the “hard”. we are adaptive creatures, molded by our environment – your challenges don’t define you as much as they create you – or better yet you create yourself in the overcoming. change is not a prize, but a process – it does not lie at the top of a mountain but is, instead, a result of the climb.

i am constantly amazed by the work of joey roth – his posters hang in the entrance of our gym, a beautiful and simple reminder of what we are trying to accomplish. and now we add another lesson to our wall… (this is apparently a vary limited run in colobration with Ryan Holiday in reference to his book of the same name – click the image to go to the official page)

i heard it said once that saying “i hope” is nothing but a tacit acknowledgement that you have no control over the outcome of any given situation, and while i generally abhor the “life hack” style of “simple tricks to be… whatever” – i can no longer hear someone remark on their “hopes” without a small, sad laugh.  i think people in general sell short their ability to affect change in the world and their own lives in particular. we get into habits, habits of thinking of our wants instead of our abilities.  of our problems as opposed to their solutions. we spend so much time training our bodies. hardening things. creating and refining automatic behavior. it makes sense that we would spend at least as much attention to our minds, to our thoughts – curating those same automatic behaviors, working diligently to increase strength, endurance, speed, power, flexibility, agility, and resilience. doing everything we can to have options and exist as a product of our own design. to shape our very selves. we are all tools, tools of our own making, this is about learning and refining. becoming a force multiplier. becoming an agent of change. to trade in our hopes for calloused hands and a saw-toothed, grinding determination. in the end we are judged by our actions. be aware, and be deliberate.

kevin is an example of what can be accomplished when an individual digs a little deeper. starts to look at the process, the opportunity to break and rebuild their very selves.

someone who chooses to live deliberately – to hope less and work more – to take responsibility.

It is essential to, on occasion, re-evaluate your priorities. Your standards. Your expectations and your tools. Sometimes you have to burn it all down in order to build again. Self image can be a trap as much as it is a tool. Clear board and clear minds.

ways and means. standards and self. community and accountability….

comfort is the enemy of progress.

it sometimes takes a shock, an outside force to make you re-examine your situation.

try this – remove yourself.

seriously. take a few moments and imagine watching your own life. your actions. your relationships. your standards –  without your close, emotional attachment. what would you think? is it inspiring? is it challenging? worthwhile?

is it an improvement on the silence?

it is easy to get caught up in ourselves, in how far we have come.  we pat ourselves on the back and forget to look at what is next – at where we are going.  we have built up our narrative, told ourselves the story so many times that we believe it as true. the truth is that we reflect our environment. when it is new and scary we change ourselves to fit, we bend and push, we become –  but eventually that environment reinforces nothing but our current position in the world. it tells us that we have arrived. that we are good enough. we find our place in the pack and accept it. we behave.

the ruthless self assessment is a tool. it is scary. it should be. that is how you know it is working.

sometimes the group itself must be analyzed. as a whole. as an entity. as a construction with a purpose.

is it useful? does it measure up? could it be better? could it change? could it be more than it is?

it hurts to look at yourself, at something you created and be disappointed. to be unsatisfied. to want more.  but pain is not the enemy, it is only a signal.  it tells us that something needs to change.  too often we respond to that discomfort by finding a smaller pond to swim in. we find others who tell us that we are fine where we are, that look up to us only because their standards are even more dismal than our own. we find other people standing on the side of the road, looking back at how far they have come.

what are you doing? why? is it acceptable? why? is it progress? why? are you afraid? why not?

defend yourself.

yes. these questions can be painful, but that means there is something there, something important. we can use that information to keep moving forward. to motivate ourselves. to ask why we ever stopped in the first place.  the journey is rocky, and we all have setbacks. we have such little control in this world, it is easy to feel disheartened, to accept that our actions are too insignificant, that we should just find a way to be happy with what we have.  but is that useful?  does that really help anybody? we may only have a small shred of control, but doesn’t that mean we should execute that control to the fullest extent of ourselves? that we should seek out a community – a safety net and a lever,  a  force multiplier,  a collection of ideas and challenges, of information and inspiration.  of people to ask and to teach, people to push and to question. people who can provide examples of what we would like to become. true community should nurture its members,  but also challenge them. stagnation is fatal. the goal is to find that note, that beautiful harmony of safety and danger – the feeling of being cared for enough to be held to a higher standard.

i am afraid i have grown too complacent. i have become so enamored with the sound of my own voice that i lost sight of what i was actually describing.  i believe daniel quinn said he knew society was doomed because we lie to our children. we show our hopelessness because we cannot stomach being honest with those who it effects most.

well. if you don’t like what you see in the mirror, then change it.

i have said before that i would rather be useful than liked.

i think it is time to follow through.